Self-Care
The Revolutionary Act of Rest for Black Women in Midlife
Aja Diack ยท
We have been taught that our worth is measured by our productivity. From childhood, we learned that good girls are helpful, hardworking, and always available. As women of color, we often carry additional weight, the expectation that we must work twice as hard to receive half the recognition.
But I want to offer you a different truth: Rest is not a reward for productivity. Rest is a right. And in a culture that would have us grind ourselves into exhaustion, choosing rest is a revolutionary act.
The Myth of the Strong Black Woman
Many of us were raised with the "strong Black woman" narrative, the idea that we must be unbreakable, endlessly capable, and always willing to sacrifice for others. This myth has been both a survival mechanism and a prison.
Yes, we are strong. Our ancestors' strength runs through our veins. But strength does not mean invulnerability. Strength includes the courage to rest, to ask for help, to admit when we are tired.
The "strong woman" myth has cost us our health. Studies show that Black women have higher rates of stress-related illness, including hypertension, heart disease, and chronic fatigue. We are quite literally killing ourselves to appear strong.
What Rest Actually Means
Rest is not simply the absence of work. True rest involves:
Physical Rest: Quality sleep, but also moments of stillness throughout the day. Lying down without scrolling. Letting your body be heavy and held.
Mental Rest: Giving your mind a break from problem-solving, planning, and worrying. This might mean meditation, but it could also mean engaging in activities that allow your mind to wander freely.
Emotional Rest: Permission to feel without fixing. Not performing happiness or strength when you feel neither. Having spaces where you can be authentic about your emotional state.
Social Rest: Time away from the performance of social interaction. Being with people who nourish you rather than deplete you, or being alone without loneliness.
Sensory Rest: Unplugging from the constant stimulation of screens, noise, and artificial light. Creating pockets of quiet and darkness.
Creative Rest: Allowing yourself to be inspired without the pressure to produce. Appreciating beauty for its own sake.
Spiritual Rest: Connecting with something larger than yourself. For some, this is prayer or meditation. For others, it's time in nature or engagement with meaningful ritual.
The Nervous System Perspective
From a physiological standpoint, many of us are living in a state of chronic stress. Our nervous systems are stuck in fight-or-flight mode, constantly scanning for threat and never fully relaxing into safety.
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This chronic activation wreaks havoc on our hormones, our digestion, our immune function, and our mental health. It is particularly damaging during perimenopause, when our bodies are already navigating significant hormonal shifts.
Rest is not indulgent, it is necessary for nervous system regulation. When we prioritize rest, we are signaling safety to our bodies. We are telling our systems that it is okay to repair, restore, and heal.
Practical Rest Practices
The Sacred Pause: Before responding to any request, pause. Take three breaths. Ask yourself: "Do I have the capacity for this right now?" Practice saying no or "let me get back to you" when the answer is no.
Rest Boundaries: Establish non-negotiable rest times. Perhaps it's the first hour of your morning, Sunday afternoons, or 30 minutes before bed. Protect these times fiercely.
The Lie Down: Incorporate a daily "lie down" into your routine. Just 10-20 minutes of lying flat with your eyes closed (not sleeping, not scrolling) can dramatically shift your nervous system state.
Nature Immersion: Spend time outside without an agenda. Not exercising, not doing yard work, just being present with the natural world.
Joy Without Justification: Engage in activities that bring you pleasure without any productive purpose. Read fiction. Take long baths. Daydream.
The Inheritance of Rest
When we rest, we are not only healing ourselves, we are modeling something different for those who come after us. Our daughters and granddaughters are watching. They are learning what it means to be a woman, and we have the opportunity to show them that women deserve rest.
We are also honoring our ancestors who could not rest. Those who labored without choice, whose bodies were not their own, who dreamed of a future where their descendants might know ease. When we rest, we are living the dream they could only imagine.
Your Permission Slip
If you need permission to rest, let this be it. You are allowed to be tired. You are allowed to say no. You are allowed to prioritize your own replenishment.
Rest is not weakness. Rest is wisdom. Rest is resistance.
And you, beloved, are worthy of rest.